Why Shouldn’t I Date a Newcomer? 

Why Shouldn’t I Date a Newcomer?

Every person who comes into recovery is at one time a newcomer. They are new to the program and to all of the support the program offers. One of the best things to happen in recovery is gaining allies to help the newcomer learn they are not alone especially since recovery is based on unity with one another. There are times, however, that the naivety and brokenness of a newcomer can lead them to want to start a relationship with someone with more sobriety time than them. Before you act on anything that could turn physical with a newcomer, you may want to think about the consequences of your actions before either one of you does something that could affect both of your sobriety dates.

Understand Attraction Rather Than Promotion

Attraction to a newcomer will happen at times, but you need to ask yourself what these feelings really mean and whether acting on them would be wise. The problem that hooking up with a newcomer could cause is that they did not come into recovery on a winning streak and they have work to do on themselves to get healthy. Instead of promoting yourself through a possibly fleeting attraction, you should practice unselfishness by letting the newcomer take the suggestion to wait a year. 

Understanding There Are Only 12 Steps

There is a term is the recovery world called “13 Stepping” which means that someone with more sobriety time engages in a sexual relationship with a newcomer. This behavior is frowned upon by other group members who are concerned with people in this relationship’s sobriety, especially the newcomer. If you have any questions about embarking on a sexual relationship with a newcomer, use this suggestion – work the 12 Steps before you do the 13th Step. Protecting your sobriety should be priority number one while doing your part to help protect others through unity, recovery, and service. 

Understand What the Outcome Could Be

Before you take a newcomer into your bed, you should understand what could happen to them. You may be solid in your program although a newcomer is usually emotionally vulnerable with poor decision making who could go out to relapse after you have relations and never get the recovery they need. Before you do anything that could drastically affect their sobriety, you should get rigorously honest with a sponsor and run your idea by them. If you are not willing to get a second opinion, then your program may not be as solid as you think, and you could also be at risk for relapse. 

Take your time and try not to act on an impulse in sobriety. Acting on impulse in your active addiction brought you here and could take you back out just as fast. Friendship goes a long way in a relationship and could help to make a relationship stronger and more exciting in the long run.

Offering a full range of recovery and mental health services, Detox Center of Colorado offers “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. Through evidence-based therapy options and the endless adventure of Colorado, Detox Center of Colorado fosters connection, encouraging clients to get connected to themselves, their peers, their families, and their higher power. With the power of recovery, clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing. Call us today for more information: 303-536-5463

Call Now