We live in a culture that pushes us to our limits in work duties and social events that keep us busy. We can find ourselves overwhelmed with trying to fulfill our professional obligations or making sure we are showing up for our loved ones. Plus, for someone who suffers from an addiction – add being present in recovery to the mix. If you are struggling to keep it all together because you find yourself busy at every given moment, you may need to discover a happy medium to help ease your hustled lifestyle.
You may feel compelled to do it all and you may be successful in your methods, but there may come a time and a place where you could crash and burn due to not saying “no”. Before you get to this point, however, you might want to look at some ways to say no and put them into practice.
Be kind in your approach
Sure, you could blatantly say “no” and sometimes that is exactly how you will have to address certain situations. “No” is typically considered derogatory and final. Choose your words wisely because if you were to get creative, you can circumvent your words into something much more positive, so you are not left out completely in the future. There may be more opportunities that come your way when you have the time depending on how you handle this current situation. Kind goes a long way over being pompous when you decline.
No means no
Once you say “no”, stick to your guns. Part of becoming healthy in your recovery is to say what you mean and mean what you say. You should never let anyone steamroll you into what they think you should do when you believe that this is not a good decision for you. Ask someone you trust about your decision and listen to their feedback. Your findings could be that saying “no” was in your best interest. If you were meant to do whatever you are saying “no” to, then the chance will arise in a timelier manner.
What this really means is that you thank them for the opportunity to gain closure and move on. Indicating that someone else may be better suited for the task or open up space for the next person is not a bad thing. Telling them that you appreciate them thinking of you or stating to hit you up next time is a kind and loving gesture. If someone gets upset because you are passing on something that is too much for you, they are really only thinking about themselves and how it will affect them instead of looking at the whole picture.
Set a boundary
There are often times that people do not realize how much they are really asking of you. To combat this type of behavior, you may have to set a healthy boundary with them. Although they may not like the line you have drawn, you will be better for it. Boundaries are intended to be reasonable and provide guidelines for how you want others to treat you. Another benefit of setting an initial boundary is that when it comes to time to you ask you again, they will, hopefully, remember the boundary and think twice about requesting this from you. With a boundary, you are separating your personal preferences from those of others which is important to establish your own identity.
Think before you commit
Saying “yes” to everything may seem like an easier, softer way. What may end up happening, in the long run, is that you could overload your schedule and not have any time left over to take care of yourself. You could do everything mediocre when you could do a few things unbelievably well. Pull out your schedule before you agree and see what it looks like for you. Tell them that you need time to process everything before you accept what they are asking of you. If they continue to pressure you, then your answer may become abundantly clear that they are only thinking of what this would do for them and not for you.
The truth will set you free
Although you might be inclined to come up with an excuse to say “no”, just telling them you are unable to carry out their wishes from the get-go will be the best bet. Once you start lying about something, most likely you will have to keep covering up whatever you are trying to hide. Even though you might have gotten away with your deceitful words, you will still carry that dishonesty going forward and use lying as a defense mechanism in other ways. Honesty is the best policy to keep in line with your recovery measures.
Saying “no” is not always easy but is necessary for you to find some balance in your life of what you should focus on. Sometimes saying “yes” will keep you from what you were really supposed to be doing all along.
Offering a full range of recovery and mental health services, Detox Center of Colorado offers “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. Through evidence-based therapy options and the endless adventure of Colorado, Detox Center of Colorado fosters connection, encouraging clients to get connected to themselves, their peers, their families, and their higher power. With the power of recovery, clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing. Call us today for more information: 303-536-5463